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In my past two years as a publisher, I've discovered that much about mail is a mystery.

Timeliness of delivery — or whether it even reaches the proper destination — often seems more a matter of fate than good planning. But as mail puzzles go, the persistence with which "free trial" packages arrive on your doorstep takes the grand prize. If you've ever wondered how those much-maligned unsolicited offers might have found you and how to slow the flow, pull up a chair...

Before I begin, though, I'd like to acknowledge that many of you came to us from a list rented or exchanged by a magazine, business or organization that has clients with interests similar to those of our readers. As a small, independent press with limited newsstand exposure, it is not likely that we would have found you any other way. I'm glad that we connected. Thank you for taking the leap of faith and responding to our introduction.

Also, I must admit that I personally find great value in hearing about new opportunities through the mail. I love the written word and the beauty of a well-crafted package. If it seems of interest, I read it; if not, I look for any blank sides of paper that I can use for taking notes and then recycle the rest. Most of the magazines that I subscribe to entered my life through an introductory mailing.

How you got on "the list": In the print publication market, direct mail has some basic patterns. Most businesses and organizations have an "opt-out" privacy policy: They flag the records of people who specifically ask not to have their names or addresses rented or shared, and they honor that request. All other names constitute "the list" that they can make available for rental or exchange. Through this process, the renter receives a one-time authorization to contact you. (The only way to obtain the right to correspond with you further is if you yourself choose to respond to their solicitation and send back a reply — usually their preprinted response card — which says "yes," you are interested.)

In most cases, the rented list of names travels directly from the list owner to a data house for processing and then straight to the printer/mail house to be mail merged with the package the renter is sending out. The organization that is trying to interest you in membership or a product does not actually handle or, therefore, possess a list with your information on it. Surprised? I was...

Your good will is paramount: Members and clients are the living, breathing heart of any business or organization. A list of cherished membership represents relationships, time and trust. Though there are businesses that are cavalier with their lists, most won't exchange your name if you specifically ask them not to. The legalities of the matter aside, the direct relationship is simple: You are a customer and they do care about keeping you.

How to get off "the list": If you've never done business with the company you're receiving a solicitation from, it's not likely that they actually have your name and address in their possession. Instead, they've found a good list with your name on it and are renting it — perhaps regularly. It's not very useful to contact them directly about removing your name from their (nonexistent) list. Yes, a few larger companies may be able to maintain their own do-not-contact files of non-clients, which they can send to the data company for suppression from any mailing. Smaller organizations (ours included) probably don't have the staffing required for such a project. Also, a slightly different spelling of a name or address would render the record inaccurate. Your best bet overall is to remove the opportunity of obtaining your name before it gets to their mailing. Here are two simple steps you can take:

1. The simplest step is to register with the Direct Marketing Association (DMA). They have a "Preference Service" which puts you on a do-not-contact list for mail, telephone and/or e-mail. As is standard industry practice, the direct-mail lists that we rent or exchange are sent straight from the list owners to a data house that first merges the multiple lists and purges duplicate names. Then, before the combined list goes on to the printer, it is checked against the DMA file. Any names that match those of people who have registered with the DMA are suppressed from the mailing. Not included. Gone. Try www.dmaconsumers.org/privacy.html and print and mail their free registration form, good for five years. Online registration costs $5. Note: You will continue to receive mail from companies with which you already do business, as well as from smaller local businesses and organizations. If there are a few companies you aren't already doing regular business with that you want to continue to receive information from, you can call them and let them know.

2. But lists can become corrupted — and not all list renters are scrupulous — or you may wish to make a clear statement about your desire for privacy. If so, consider also sending an e-mail to everyone you do business with to tell them directly not to rent or exchange your contact information with anyone. E-mail is fast (you don't have to talk to anyone), effective and creates a paper trail. Simply write a generic removal request. Then click on each website's "contact us" link and copy and paste your removal request into the body of the e-mail. (Of course, you can write or call as well — whatever best suits your own time and energy.) Keep a notepad handy and jot down company names as they come to mind.

I hope none of my publishing friends call me about this with a "Kylie, what have you done?!" But as mailing lists are a source of confusion for so many folks, I figured we'd all sleep a little easier having a few answers.

Here's to a mailbox mix that suits you well...